Screenplay: Wheelchair

 Certainly! Here's a polished screenplay version of *Resident Asylum: Eat a Takeout, I’m in a Wheelchair or Heat Your Bedroom Tax*, complete with scene descriptions, character cues, and a satirical tone.

---

# **Resident Asylum: Eat a Takeout, I’m in a Wheelchair or Heat Your Bedroom Tax**  

**Genre:** Satirical comedy  

**Format:** Screenplay

---

### **FADE IN:**

---

### **SCENE 1: GOVERNMENT OFFICE**  

**INT. CLUTTERED GOVERNMENT OFFICE — DAY**

*An office decorated with an Irish flag, posters that read “Welcome to Resident Asylum,” and stacks of paper. A stern *GOVERNMENT OFFICIAL* sits behind a cluttered desk. The *CITIZEN* nervously approaches.*

**GOVERNMENT OFFICIAL**  

(cheerful, sarcastic)  

Ah, welcome! You’ve arrived at the pinnacle of Irish policy—where common sense is on holiday. How can I assist ye today?

**CITIZEN**  

(uncertain)  

I heard I might have to live in a cold house, eat takeouts just to survive, and pay extra taxes for sleeping in my own bed. Is that true?

**GOVERNMENT OFFICIAL**  

(laughs softly)  

Oh, you’ve heard right! Here at Resident Asylum, we’ve pioneered a new approach. When your house isn’t warm enough, just *use a takeaway container as a heater*. It’s eco-friendly and tastes great, too!

**CITIZEN**  

Wait, you’re serious? That’s… that’s crazy.

*(Enter *MINISTER OF INEFFICIENCY*, a pompous man with a loud tie and an exaggerated smirk.)*

**MINISTER OF INEFFICIENCY**  

(grandly)  

Did someone mention crazy? We prefer *innovative*. Why pay for heating when you can pay *us* for the privilege of being cold? It’s the Irish way—embracing the chill!

**CITIZEN**  

And the bedroom tax? Why am I taxed for my own bedroom?

**MINISTER OF INEFFICIENCY**  

Because! If you’ve got a *spare bedroom*, you’re *wasting space*. We’re just *encouraging* you to downsize. Think of it as a gentle nudge—closer to your neighbor, or closer to the taxman.

---

### **SCENE 2: CITIZEN’S HOME — NIGHT**  

**INT. CITIZEN’S HOUSE — NIGHT**

*The Citizen shivers, holding a half-eaten takeaway container, staring at a cold radiator.*

**CITIZEN**  

(voice trembling)  

So, I’m supposed to eat more takeouts, freeze in my own home, and pay more taxes? Is this some kind of joke?

*(Enter *LOCAL COUNCILLOR*, a slick, smiling figure with a clipboard.)*

**LOCAL COUNCILLOR**  

(grinning)  

No joke, just a new way to save *your* money! Plus, the takeout keeps the delivery drivers employed. We’re all in this together!

**CITIZEN**  

And what about healthcare, education? Are those still a thing?

**LOCAL COUNCILLOR**  

(shrugs)  

Well, those are *luxuries*. But don’t worry—we’re working on a new plan: *taxing happiness*. Stay tuned!

---

### **SCENE 3: OFFICE OF THE MINISTER — DAY**  

**INT. MINISTER’S OFFICE — DAY**

*The Minister stands beside a chart labeled “Policy Failures & Achievements.”*

**MINISTER OF INCOMPETENCE**  

(boastfully)  

You see, folks, we’ve successfully *rebranded* austerity as *progress*. Our new slogan? “Less is more, especially when it’s your comfort!”

*(Aide whispers to the Minister.)*

**AIDE**  

Sir, the citizens are upset.

**MINISTER OF INCOMPETENCE**  

(smiling wider)  

Good! That means we’re doing our job. Keep the chaos coming!

---

### **SCENE 4: TOWN HALL PROTEST**  

**EXT. TOWN SQUARE — DAY**

*Citizens hold signs: “Heat Our Homes!” “Stop the Bedroom Tax!” “Eat Real Food!”*

**CITIZEN 2**  

(shouting)  

This is madness! We need proper heating, healthcare, and decent living conditions!

**OFF-STAGE SPOKESPERSON**  

(voice over loudspeaker)  

Your complaints are noted. Please enjoy your cold takeout and remember—taxes keep Ireland running!

---

### **SCENE 5: GOVERNMENT OFFICE — DAY**  

**INT. CLUTTERED GOVERNMENT OFFICE — DAY**

*The *GOVERNMENT OFFICIAL* addresses the camera with a resigned smirk.*

**GOVERNMENT OFFICIAL**  

(in mock sincerity)  

In Ireland, we believe in a bright future—bright in the sense that it’s lit by the glow of your frozen homes and empty wallets. But don’t worry! We’re always working on new ways to make life *more interesting*. Welcome to Resident Asylum!

*(The camera zooms out as the official laughs artificially, the Irish flag waving in the background.)*

---

### **FADE OUT.**

**END.**

---

Would you like me to add a closing narrator’s remarks or any specific scene directions?